


Home sweet home

by SelfawareShipper



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Caduceus is a fey, Caleb acts without thinking, Feywild, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Nature, Running away from his problems, Trauma, fey weirdness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-10-31 01:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17839559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelfawareShipper/pseuds/SelfawareShipper
Summary: Caleb accidentally ends up in the feywild, and it has an effect on his mind.





	1. Tranquility

Pain had taken over Caleb's world. Spreading out from the wounds littering his body. seeping into his joints, his lungs, every cell. Despite it, he kept running. He had to keep running.

Less than an hour before he’d awoken with a start. Flashes of that night's nightmare still horribly fresh in his mind. He’d thought a walk would clear his head. He’d thought it would be fine, a good walk and he’d be back to sleep. He hadn’t been expecting the gnolls. 

They’d jumped down from the trees. Getting two blows on him before he could react. He’d managed to kill probably five of them before realizing just how fucked he was. There were just too many. So he ran. Ran the way he hoped would lead him back to his friends, to the safety of the camp.

He could hear the gnolls behind him. There chittering laughter getting closer and closer to him. He forced himself to run faster. He was pushing his limits, his legs burned and he could almost feel them growing weaker. And it didn’t seem to matter because the gnolls were still gaining on him fast, and he knew he couldn’t outrun them. Then suddenly he hit what felt like a warm cloth wall, And he staggered back, falling on his ass.

He huddled in on himself. Waiting for the pain of swords and claws. It didn’t come. 

“Excuse me,” a calm deep voice asked from somewhere above Caleb. He carefully opened one of his eyes. Still not sure he wasn’t about to be torn to shreds. Though instead of gnolls he found himself looking up into a kind-eyed almost bovine-like face.“Do you need some help there sir?”He asked.

“Run! T-the gnolls” Caleb stuttered. The strange man in front of him just turned his head confused, still smiling lazily.

“I don’t see any gnolls there mister. It’s okay.” He said, looking around behind Caleb. And for how impossible it was Caleb realized he couldn’t hear the gnolls any more. In fact, it didn’t even look like he was in the same wood. Hell, it looked like a different time of day, like it was only moments after sunset despite Caleb knowing it was almost three in the morning.

“What? What’s happening?” Caleb struggles to find his words. Not at all liking the sudden unexplainable change. He backed up away from the creature, pushing himself across the grass until his back hit cold stone. Glancing to his side revealed it to be a gravestone, and Caleb’s heart dropped.

“you seem hurt. let me just-“ the man started and stuck on of his hands out, blue-green magic manifesting in his palm. Caleb squeaked and shut his eyes tight. Though instead of whatever attack he was expecting he was filled with a familiar healing warmth. Though stronger than any he’d ever felt. When he opened his eyes again he was fully healed, and a feeling of calm filled him. So in contrast with how he’d felt a moment before it almost knocked the air out of him. “There we go,” the man said and sat down cross-legged in front of Caleb. 

”the-thank you.” Caleb stuttered, still utterly shocked. “Where am I?” 

“Well, you're in a graveyard. But I don’t think that’s really what you meant. Is this your first Time in the feywild?” He asked. 

“The feywild?” Caleb Gasped. He’d heard stories, that’s where his cat went after all, he’s done his research. but he’d never thought he’d be there, the plane of nature at its most wild. He’d have to be very careful. 

“Yes indeed. It’s really pretty here. I’m sure you'll love it.” The man said, then seemed to realize something. “I’m sorry, my names Caduceus, I really should have introduced myself already.” He stuck out his very large hand to Caleb, who tentatively took it, carefully shaking.

“Caleb” he muttered. 

“Well then mister Caleb, let’s get you off the ground.” Caduceus smiled, and carefully pulled Caleb to his feet. Now both standing Caleb got the full scale of their height difference, this man probably was almost a foot and a half taller than himself. Despite this Caleb was finding it hard to find him intimidating, his eyes were too kind. “You look like you could use some tea.” Caduceus said and pointed Caleb in the direction of a cabin that looked like something out of a fairytale. 

“That sounds nice,” Caleb muttered, still not completely sure what was happening. He followed Caduceus to the cabin and into the warm interior, through to the cozy kitchen, the smell of spices and herbs filling the air.

“So, what are you doing here mister Caleb?” Caduceus asked, pulling out a chair for Caleb before turning to grab a pair of cups off the counter. Pouring them both full of hot water and a wonderful smelling tea. 

Over the next hour or so they sat and sipped tea, Caduceus listening to Caleb explain himself, and talk of how he needs to return to his friends. Caduceus nodded along, explaining how the fey was just like that sometimes, and that finding a portal to the material plane wouldn’t be hard at all. But it would take time, even with Caduceus’s help. Caleb was exhausted, and with the adrenalin gone and the warmth of the tea in his stomach he was finding it hard to even keep his eyes open. So they decided to set out tomorrow. Caleb Laid out his bedrolls, and with the promise of finding his way home tomorrow, he let himself drift to sleep.

Caleb woke up feeling more rested then he had in years. His head clear of its normal worried fog. He took his time, staring up into the ceiling and listening to the birds chirping outside, only coming back to his senses when Caduceus leaned over him, offering him a plate of some sort of fruit bread that tasted absolutely heavenly. They sat and talked for a long while. Caleb telling Caduceus about his friends and what they had been doing, keeping out all the nasty details of course. Then Caduceus told him about his family, and about the feywild. Caleb didn’t realize that he hadn’t actually gotten himself any closer to getting home until the sun went down. Caduceus apologized profusely for distracting him, but Caleb assured him it was fine. He had time. They could start there search tomorrow.

To there credit they almost did. At least they left the house with that intention. Though Caleb found himself distracted in the beauty of the graveyard. A wild garden that expanded out for miles and miles in every direction. Caduceus was more than happy to show him around. It turned out Cad was the graver for a not insignificant amount of the fey or at least the part of it that mirrored Wildemount. Feys came from all around to be set to rest there, and Caleb could see why. The gardens where breathtaking. He walked with Caduceus, asking what kind of plant that was or who was buried in whatever grave, and the fey was happy to answer. Every now and then Caleb’s thoughts would drift to his goal, but there was no rush. He could simply just let himself enjoy the perfection around him for a bit.

On the third day, Caduceus delicately suggested that they should maybe go find a place to bath. Caleb understood why, neither he or Cad was particularly clean, but where Caduceus smelled like the earth, Caleb smelled like blood and smoke. Once he noticed the smell he realized just how much he couldn't stand it. It sent unpleasant flashes of memory through his mind. That was soon fixed when Caduceus led him to a crystal clear pond, fed by an enchanted statue of a nymf, endlessly pouring water from her open palms. A gravestone for what had once been a very powerful fey. Who Caduceus thanked before climbing into the pond. They swam together for quite a while, finally getting out when they grew hungry, they shared lunch Caduceus had brought with him. Then sunbathed and talked for hours more. 

Caduceus had at one point started telling him a story about a family of fairies, it sounded like a very interesting story for the snippets Caleb had paid attention to but he found himself distracted just looking at the fey next to him. Much like everything else Caleb had found in the wilds, he was beautiful. Not just beautiful, but kind, and trusting, and everything Caleb wanted for himself to be. Before He even really registered what he was doing he had leaned in and kissed him, cutting the sentence he was saying short. Caduceus when wide-eyed for a moment, before figuring out just what was happening and melting into the kiss. It was slow and pleasant, and they spent much of the rest of the day doing that. 

The next morning when Caleb woke up in Caduceus’s arms he had no thought of getting home. No thought of anything of his past. Why should he be thinking of anything but the warmth of Caduceus’s body against his, or the sound of the birds outside? He had a world of perfection, and joy in front of him. There was no reason to think about anything else.


	2. Crashing down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb gets back his memory

It had been a surprisingly busy day at the graveyard. He and caduceus had had to wake before the sun had even risen to prep for a funeral, first of the two that were to happen that day. It started at the crack of dawn for a sater. Who had requested a funeral pyre, meaning Caleb took the helm. Reading the rights the family had prepared before lighting the pyre. As to be expected from fawns it had ended up more of a party then a mournful experience, they danced and told story’s of the passed as the fire burned. Once the flames finally died, and most of the funeral procession was good and drunk the saters thanked him and caduceus and left them to work on the gardens. 

They spent much of there time after in pleasant silence, working in practiced tandem on the wild plant growth. Stopping a few hours afternoon to start preparing for there next service. Caduceus changing into some of his nicer clothes. Then sitting down in front of Caleb on the bed, letting the human start braiding flowers into his hair.

To most caduceus would seem normal, the same smile, same calm eyes. But after ten years Caleb could read him like a book. Caduceus was nervous, something that was very rare for him. 

“You know it’s going to go fine. It’s just a normal service.” Caleb muttered. Snapping his fingers so frumpkin would appear in the feys lap. Caduceus smiled and began to pet the cat. 

“You won’t be there. You're so much better with folks then I am.” Caduceus sighed. Which was fair. For the past ten years, they didn’t really spend much time apart. Especially not when doing anything that could be considered stressful. But the LeShay had been very clear, no none fey could be anywhere near the funeral. And when dealing with such powerful creatures respecting there wishes really was the only option.

“You’ve been doing this for hundreds of years before I showed up.” Caleb reminded him. 

“That doesn’t mean I want to do it alone,” Caduceus said. And Caleb paused his hands for a moment to lean down and kiss the top of caduceus’s head.

“You’ll do wonderfully my love.” Caleb muttered into his hair. “how about I make dinner tonight, maybe something for dessert to.” He suggested.

“That sounds nice.” Caduceus hummed. sitting up and turning, pulling himself up to kiss Caleb, who immediately sank into it, wrapping his arms around the back of caduceus’s neck. The kiss slowly becoming heavier. 

“You just got cleaned up,” Caleb whispered when the kiss finally broke and caduceus hummed in agreement letting go of Caleb’s hips, which made Caleb regret reminding him. 

”you're very good to me.” caduceus muttered. Pressing his face into Caleb's neck happily. 

“and you return the favor. Now sit down, I’m almost done with your hair.” Caleb laughed, reluctantly ushering caduceus back to the floor in front of him.

Twenty minutes later with a nervous smile and a goodbye kiss caduceus was out the door. Caleb watched him leave, calmly standing by the cabin window until he was out of sight, then turning back towards the interior of the cabin. Already thinking through just what he was going to make tonight. He walked up to the hooks by the door to grab the jacket Cad had made him years back. Wincing slightly when he realized it wasn't there, he had left it in the garden, too close to where the funeral was soon to happen to go get it. He sighed, resolving to just go out and brave the slightly unpleasant chill when his eyes fell on an old ratty brown coat. 

It had been hanging there in the corner since Caleb moved in, yet he was sure it was his. In fact, he's pretty sure he showed up in the feywild with it. The longer he looked at the coat the clearer memory became. His friends, his travels, for the most part, they were pleasant memories. Smiling He reached out, pulling the jacket from the hook, when he did it knocked something else off that clattered loudly to the ground. Caleb jumped, clutching the coat closer to himself, and staring down at what had fallen. Some sort of leather harness with two books holstered in it. Looking at it made his stomach lurch, his mind suddenly full of the smell of smoke and the sound of screams.

He wanted to pull away. To go sprinting through the garden until he found caduceus, then hold him until he felt better. Instead, he fell to his knees, grabbing the books with shaky hands. Opening one of them, to find it a journal full of fractured plans and self-loathing commentary. Has he read, memory-filled his mind, horrifying memory. For a long, while Caleb just sobbed, awful waves of memory coming to him as he did. 

“What the fuck are you doing here” he muttered, pulling himself up off the floor. His breath came in shallow puffs, panic running cold through him. “You don’t belong here. You don’t deserve to be here” he whispered, backing up till his back hit the wall.

He felt like two people that had suddenly become one. The him he’d been living as for the last ten years completely incompatible with the him he remembered. Everything felt wrong, neither set of memory felt like himself. His skin crawled and he wanted to scream, to cry, anything to make the awful feeling leave him. 

He continued to stare at the heap of dirty leather on the ground, the two open books laying on top. He wanted desperately to have never seen them. He wanted to burn them, to spread the ashes around until there was no evidence they ever existed, then beg the wild to take his memory from him again. Instead, he found himself putting them on, they fit like a second skin. A distinct reminder of what he now remembered himself to be. It was all too much, too many thoughts, too many memories. And before he could realize what was happening instinct took him, and he was running.  
—

Much like before he didn’t notice the transition from one plane to another until after it happened. even when he did notice he kept running. Ran in one direction until his legs hurt too much to continue. Eventually stopping to lean against a tree and catch his breath. The air smelled worse in this plane. Looking around he found everything worse. From The dim gnarled trees to the flat gray sky, it was nothing like the beauty he’d just left. He let out a loud choked sob, head falling back against the tree. 

“You fucked up.” He said aloud. “It’s been years, no one's waiting for you here. you abandoned the love of your life.” He sculled himself. Eyes falling close, back sinking down the tree. He idly wondered how long it takes him to starve if he just decided to never stand again. That would probably be a painful way to go, but so is burning to death. It's what he deserves he thinks.

 

“Holy fuck! Caleb!” A familiar high pitch voice yelled, and Caleb’s eyes flew open, disbelief filling him. It was absolutely impossible, but there she was, running right at him. Nott's small form was on him in seconds, jumping up and wrapping her arms around him. 

“N-Nott?” He asked, looking in shock at her. She was the same, the exact same as if not a day had passed. Suddenly he was certain he had snapped again. 

“GUYS, COME HERE!” She yelled back into the woods. “You had me worried sick Caleb. Are you ok? Are you hurt?” Nott asks, grabbing his face, examining him closely.

“no... I’m fine.” Caleb muttered, still in complete shock.

“See, I told you he’d be back,” Jester said from behind Nott. The rest of the Nein coming into view.

“Where the hell have you been?” Molly asked. looking him over, eyes pausing on his clothes and the flowers in his hair. 

“The feywild,” Caleb said, Jester gasped.

“The feywild! The traveler told me all about it. How was it?” She asked excitedly, crowding In Next to Nott and molly.

“It was the most beautiful place I’ve ever been,” Caleb said honestly.

“That’s incredible Caleb. Did you spend the whole week there?” Nott asked, and Caleb’s heart almost stopped in his chest. 

“I-it’s been a week,” Caleb asked, looking at Nott with wide eyes. 

“Five days really,” Fjord said, and Caleb let out a shocked laugh. The feywild really did work in strange ways.


	3. Starting fresh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, I was having some crazy writers block.
> 
> Also I know I said there was going to be three chapters but I decided I needed to set up caleb and Molly's relationship better before the last chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy

After his strange disappearance, Caleb had changed a lot molly noticed. More than he should have in just five days. There were the physical changes, he was tanned, his hair was longer and his hands had calisced like a field worker’s. But The really strange things where the ways his personality changed. For one he was suddenly a vegan, the few time he’d tried to eat meat he’d gotten sick like his body couldn't take it. He couldn’t drink as much and didn’t really seem to enjoy it the way he’d used to. He talked to trees now… which was a weird quirk to suddenly pick up, but Molly wasn’t going to judge. And worst of all, he’d somehow managed to get more doom and gloom. Impressive feat seeing as how miserable Caleb had already been. 

No one else seemed to notice all these changes. the mighty Nein did move at a whiplash pace to fast to think about anything too long. Molly adjusted to it Perfectly. In the short time he's lived as himself things have always been moving at high speeds around him. But Caleb, who had before been going with the punches fairly well, now seemed overwhelmed. Barely able to cope with all the action. But he did, and He could pretend well enough to fool everyone else, too caught up in themselves or too trusting to see through his lies. Not molly though, he saw it, and he sure as hell wasn't just going to let it slide.

It all came to a head one night when they had found themselves lucky enough to have a moment of off time in between life-threatening adventures. They were in the inn of some small town in the middle of nowhere. and the Mighty Nein had quickly set to getting themselves blackout drunk. As had become usual Caleb had only had a drink or two before disappearing out the door. He’d been doing that a lot lately, and the rest of the party had started ignoring it, deciding that he just needed a moment to himself. But Molly wasn’t going to let this chance to talk to Caleb pass. So, Molly went wandering off into the night after him. 

He found Caleb sitting down in a field outside of the town, almost completely hidden in the tall grass. He was sitting cross-legged, his eyes closed, muttering to himself. 

“What are you up to?” Molly asked, pushing through the field towards him.

“Communing” Caleb muttered.

“You're religious?” Molly asked in surprise. Hoping it wasn’t one of the gods he tended to mock. 

“Not with the gods, with nature,” Caleb explained.

“Oh… I didn’t know that’s the kind of thing you did.” Molly said, sitting down in front of Caleb.

“I’m not very good at it,” Caleb admits. “It was easier in the feywild.” 

“What are you trying to do?” Molly asked.

“I’m not sure. When Caduceus used to do it he could make flowers bloom and trees drop their fruit. I was never that good, but at least I could make some grass move or something.” Caleb said.

“Caduceus?” Molly jumped on the chance to get Caleb to talk about his time in the fey. But the second the word left Molly’s mouth Caleb stiffened, for a split second an extremely pained look flashed across his face before he forced it back to the dower neutral he normally held. 

“J-just someone I knew in the wilds,” Caleb muttered. Giving up on his communion and opening his eyes to look at Molly. “Can I help you Mollymawk?” He asked. And molly kicked himself mentally, he’d put Caleb back on edge.

“I just wanted to see where you wandered off to,” Molly said, smiling at Caleb.

“Now you know,” Caleb said back. They spent a few awkward moments just looking at one another. 

“Have you been ok Caleb? You’ve been acting weird for the last few months.” Molly asked. Caleb sighed.

“I’m fine. Overwhelmed maybe. But fine.” He muttered. 

“I think we’re all are… it’s overwhelming. We don’t seem to know how to slow down.” Molly said, pulling a flask out of his coat and taking a swig. “Want some? It’s good gin, way nicer then what that place was serving.” Molly held at the flask, Caleb only paused for a second before grabbing it.

“I don’t mind it, the speed. It’s distracting. I have quite a lot I’d like to not think about.” Caleb chuckled darkly, taking a long swig then wincing, spluttering slightly. “that’s very strong.” He coughed. 

“I’d hope, it was expensive. I’m a little surprised it got you. You used to be able to out drink me.” Molly laughed. 

“The feywilds weird,” Caleb said a little bitterly. Then took another drink, taking it better that time.

For a long while, they sat and drank together. Talking about nothing in particular. Sometimes Molly would try to ask about the feywild, and Caleb would dodge the question. Neither of them noticed that they were moving closer together as they talked. Until they were sitting almost pressed together. There buzz from before having transformed into the dizzying fog of drunkness. Their conversation faulted, and without either of them consciously making the choices they were suddenly wrapped in one another, lips sloppily connected.

The next morning Molly woke up alone in the tall grass. Though he had plenty of foggy memories from the night before. He laughed to himself a little. Crawling around a bit to locate his lost clothing. Proud of his drunk self when he found his coat nicely folded a few feet away. He stood up and stretched once he was decently clothed, idly wondering if any poor villager accidentally saw something they didn’t want to see in fields this morning. He just shrugged, checking to make sure he hadn’t been robbed before setting off back to the inn.

When he found his party they were eating breakfast, as happens fairly often in the poorer inns there was nothing Caleb could really eat. so the wizard was in the far corner, eating the mixed nuts and dried fruit he kept with him. He was also very very deliberately avoiding looking at Molly. 

First Molly went to the barkeep and ordered some food. Then, he strode straight up to Caleb, dragging a chair with him to sit in front of the wizard, who blushed bright red, still refusing to look at Molly. 

“Morning.” Molly grinned.

“Good morning Mollymawk,” Caleb muttered. 

“About last night.” Molly jumped right into it. Clapping once. 

“I’m sorry” Caleb almost whispered.

“What? Why?” Molly laughed.

It’s not the kind of thing I do. I don’t know what came over me.” Caleb said.

“Hey man. You were drunk, we both were. just happens sometimes.” Molly shrugs. ”It doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t want it to be. It happened, it was as Fun as a drunken romp in a field can be, we can just move past it you know. No problems.” Molly smiled. Caleb nodded, finally looking up at Molly. 

“Let’s just forget about it I think,” Caleb said. And Molly grinned, clapping Caleb on the shoulder.

“Sounds good buddy,” Molly said. “If you ever want to not forget about it come see me.” Molly winked, before turning and walking away To go have his breakfast. Leaving Caleb wide eyed and blushing.

a week later Caleb ended up with Molly again. drunk again but in a bed, this time, which Molly thought is as a marked improvement. Again Molly woke up alone and when confronted Caleb again called it a fluke. Which was fine by him, but by there time third Molly was really starting to doubt Caleb’s insistence that it was nothing.

the fourth was the first time Molly woke up with Caleb still in bed. And they had a long conversation that had ended in their first sober time together and Caleb finally accepting that maybe this was in fact a thing.


End file.
